Saturday, September 9, 2023

Post Screed Post

 Post Screed Post

I tossed up a very angry post the other day, and took it down the next morning. Glad I did. Fortunately it had only a few views. I let fly out of frustration and impatience that had fused like resin and catalyst into a lump of toxic anger.

I have not been in a good frame of mind as of late. Not at all. The root of this is physical. I am still running on very low energy, very poor stamina, and very irregular sleep. I'll have a good day where I feel like I'm getting my strength back, then toss and turn all night, and get out of bed feeling shitty again. Wake up at 3:00, get out of bed at  4:00. By 10:00 I'm exhausted. Sometimes I can catch a doze late in the morning, and awaken with enough energy to get some small stuff done, but it fades pretty fast.

 Small irritations become major affronts. The news of the day kills off any optimism I  can muster. I want to get to work on something, anything other than sitting at the keyboard, but I just don't have the juice to do it. 

The San Pedro bloom was spectacular this summer. Clouds of bees, and those big, metallic green June Beetles showed up to feast on the pollen. We have a bush in the back yard that has attracted thousands of bright yellow butterflies. The bush is alive with stripped yellow caterpillars, and pink and green chrysalids are hanging all over the place. 

I've been taking the camera out back, and snapping photos of the worms, and chrysalids, but the butterflies are maddeningly elusive. 

They come individually, and in clusters, and clouds, but they move fast, and never alight for as much as a second. When they do pause on a stem, or a tree trunk they do so with their wings folded. 

But photography isn't my thing. I like to snap a good shot as much as the next guy, but I don't have any passion for it. It's just something to do to kill time.

Forbearance isn't easy right now. It seems like a luxury afforded only to the very fortunate, and I'm not in that club. I can still acknowledge that I am, indeed very richly blessed in  many things, but acknowledgement resides way up in the intellect. Emotions, and physical states charge up from deep in the gut, and they swamp acknowledgement and reason every time. I can count my blessings, but all too often, I can't quite feel them.

But there is good stuff. My latest stone project took second place at the fall show at Whittier Art Association. The  competition (if you want to call it that) was stiff. Whittier Art Gallery is not amateur hour. I'm very happy with this.

I finally got some of the feedback I was waiting for on The Lost Era movie. It was overwhelmingly good. This, too, makes me happy. It reassures me that the work I have done has not been an empty effort. But, of course, there is still work to be done. Dion gave me a good suggestion. Maybe try to approach the public television network. I had not thought of that. We'll see. I have to call Nick at the Whittier museum as well. I may not have the juice to wrestle a big stone, but standing up to introduce the film takes little effort. That I can do, and I'm looking forward to doing it.


  1. You have an amazing array of butterflies there! We get a lot of critters, but I don't think we've seen any chrysalids or caterpillars. We do seem to have a sort of butterfly highway that runs along the alley/ ditch behind the houses on my street; in the spring, the yellow butterflies zoom along like they are following a path, but I couldn't say from where to where.